Follow our guidelines on how not to interview for college and you’re sure to make a deep and abiding impression. You will need a blasé attitude casual, bordering on offensive clothing, bubblegum and a cell phone – optional a notepad and pen. Don’t worry not for taking notes.

Step 1 – Don’t bother reading any of the materials the university sent you. You know the stuff that is now propping up your lava lamp.

Step 2 – First impressions are so important. Select your clothes with care. Nothing suggests serious scholar like the goth look.

Step 3 – Body language reveals a lot about an individual. Be sure to yawn loudly, check your watch repeatedly, roll your eyes occasionally and slouch in the chair with your legs spread as wide as possible. Chewing gum is a good way to relax and keep breath fresh. Arrived with a big gob of bubble gum in your mouth, snap it at the highest decibel level you can achieve.

Step 4 – If you give more than a yeah or nah reply. Punctuate your sentences with lie and you know address your interviewer regardless of gender as dude.

Step 5 – Be sure to receive a call while you’re being interviewed. This shows your well-rounded and a loyal friend. Unless you use this opportunity to gossip or loudly criticize the caller which just shows you have spunk. If your phone isn’t handy, demonstrate your resourcefulness by borrowing the interviewers.

Step 6 – When the interviewer asks if you have any questions, nah is a fine response or if you feel you must ask a question limit it to information contained in the school materials you have received but not read.

Step 7 – When the interviewer asks why you are considering this particular school, answer honestly. It’s just your safety school your parents forced you to apply and all the drinking age is lower in that state. Doodle on a notepad during the meeting a caricature of the interviewer is always a nice touch.

Step 8 – At the interviews conclusion. Mumble whatever spraying a nice dose of saliva as you play with your tongue piercing. Make it obvious that you never caught the interviewers name.

Did you know that the typical college interview lasts about 45 minutes?

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